Another Life

A Guest Post by Lisa D.

“I can feel your love, and your embrace.”

--Britny Fox, “Long Way to Love”

“Listen to your heart, and what your heart might say.”

--Mary Chapin Carpenter, “The Hard Way”

I knew when we first met that Tim smoked; it isn’t that. When he sent me a shot of Sailor Jerry’s a few Saturday nights ago, I saw him puffing away on his cigarette at the bar; he gave me a small mock salute with his rum and Coke. The same hand held his smoldering American Spirit cig.

You know the story after that--he texted me a while after that night and we had lunch at Noodles and Company on Tuesday. We talked about our classes (he’s a Finance major, I’m an International Business major), and life on our University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee campus. He was funny and self-depreciating, and cute. And he didn’t say, when I asked him why he bought me the shot, that I was hot or sexy or some other bullshit--instead, he said that he liked my attitude, that it seemed to set me apart from the other girls there. Which still was probably bullshit, yeah; I knew he found me attractive, but I have to say that it was VERY nice not to hear the usual lines and blah-blah.

We left the restaurant and right away he reached for his smokes, Marlboro reds. He took a pack and a green Bic from his jeans and lit up. He thanked me for seeing him and wanted to go out to the bars with me next weekend. I thanked him, too, and told him I’d send a text later.

I didn’t have a class until later that afternoon, so I went to my apartment. One of my roommates, Brooke, was there, and I told her about lunch, including Tim’s smoking.

“So?” she asked. “I smoke sometimes when I drink.”

“I know, but his seems to be more of a habit.” Brooke nodded and said, “Okay, so he smokes. You aren’t gonna marry him, right?”

I laughed. “Pretty unlikely, we haven’t even hooked up yet, but it--”

“And you can’t really change guys if they don’t want to change. You know that.”

I do know that, but after we talked I thought a lot more about Tim and smoking. He was funny and smart, and didn’t seem to be a douche--no stupid pics on his Facebook page or anything like that. Besides, the semester would be over soon, and we probably wouldn’t see each other after that, maybe, as I live in Wisconsin and he lives in Illinois. Then I thought I was jumping the gun anyway--all that had happened so far was he’d bought me a drink and we had lunch.



But do I really want to get involved with a smoker? On Thursday he sent me a text that had a pic of him in that downtown cigar store, and he was smoking like an old-fashioned wood pipe! I admit it kind of looked cool, but now I know Tim smokes both cigarettes and a pipe. I didn’t know how much it bothered me. Or even if it should bother me. I don’t smoke, but I’m not Sally Goodgirl either, I do drink and I like guys, and I can cut loose swearing with the best.

Then too, maybe I also find the fact that he smokes a little bad-boyish. Bad boys usually turn out to be complete assholes, but I don’t think Tim is like that. He’s nice, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s cute. And he smokes.

So that is why I’ve asked Chris to post this here, to see if I can get some advice about dating a smoker. Should I let it bother me? Is it a deal-breaker for you if someone you’re interested in smokes? Should it matter much, or not at all?

The weekend is coming up, and I should text Tim. I would like to see him again.

I’ve got a lot to think about.